Players Are Stupid

The Mystery of the Great Kobold Migration

Take two

The party was met with a dilemma – ask the 30 some-odd kobolds about their great migration, or attack them for the mass amount of experience the low-level beasties would yield. (What do you think they did?) Cavanaugh threw a bangerang at a kobold and killed him with a one-shot. Annabelle was next to act and instead of helping anyone out, she ran away and just sat there wasting her action without using any of her plethora of ranged weapons: 6 daggers, 1 longbow, 2 hand crossbows tied to her belt, merely inches from her fingertips. (She wouldn’t want to draw any fire away from the party).

Next the kobolds ran up on the party. Urth managed to crack one over the head killing it outright, as his protective stance proved to be useful. Which was quite the opposite of Annabelle’s stance of doing absolutely nothing. Once a kobold was next to each of the party members (except Annabelle) the poorly equipped vermin decided to throw rocks, and debris at them while gaining advantage. Cavanaugh did some impressive kicks and punches, feeling great about murdering these child-sized beasts. The kobolds were weak, but they were many. After 30 some-odd attacks, the party was looking quite tired (even though they just napped for 8-hours). Tim felt no remorse about his next action, which involved a fireball blast that ended up burning 24 kobolds alive in a huge blaze of glory. Even God didn’t have a mage hand big enough to put out that fire.

Once most of the threat was screaming in pain, Annabelle decided to join the fight, only to then retreat again. A couple swings and stabs later they were down to one kobold who was fleeing for his life. They murdered him in the back like a coward… or woman. As the blaze continued, the party was getting quite hungry, specifically for BBQ. Annabelle had the gall to ask if there was any loot of value, either A: burning in the great fire, or on any of the peasants who were fighting with sticks and rocks. They went back and forth on how to get past the rest of the migrating kobolds. Finally, Urth decided that he was going to plow through them and run perpendicular to their route. Once they reached the path, however, they noticed that the kobolds had already moved on to the west, as they saw their torches up ahead. They didn’t want to follow the kobolds as they figured they must be going toward a dragon, and who in the hell wants a dragon’s horde of loot? Nobody that is who! They also didn’t want to go the way the kobolds came from because… just because okay? It seemed the band of kobolds were there just to make sure the party wasn’t going to do anything to disrupt their migration. So, the mystery of the great kobold migration will stay a mystery for a little while longer, as the party took no interest in this historic event that would change the events of our lives in the near future.

They continued to follow the stream, and about 12 seconds later they heard some horrible screams from many monsters that came for the BBQ but stayed for the campfire! The group found a sign in many languages, most of which were crossed off. Tim used his “read language” spell and he realized they all said the same thing, “Sodomorea —>” They continued following the sign, when the party heard a strange sound and it was coming from within their group. It was the sound twap, twap, twap. Finally Annabelle realized it was Cavanaugh’s manhood flapping against his naked body, this realization was the tipping point that lead to her to a lifetime of lesbianism.

No one was perceptive enough to notice the slow construct of Devon’s design that surprise slashed at them with the battlecry “Where is my 2 dollars!?!” The greedy party wanted to keep the money they stole from the sex-cult. So, instead of emptying their pockets they decided to fight the thing… tooooo the death… until someone died… permanently! It put a hunters mark upon Annabelle who was carrying the majority of the stolen goods. There were many people in the way of his objective and each had at least one coin upon their belongings. Urth used a spell slot and used shatter upon the beast which was quite effective. Annabelle ran around like a chick with her head cutoff (as usual). The stone guardian bashed Cavanaugh causing him to drop to the ground, bleeding out. The guardian then hit Peldu so hard that his clothes went out of style. (Wait were they ever in style?) He also dropped to the ground in a near death experience. Urth healed his fallen friend, Cavanaugh. The party was really getting banged up, but in the end they turned that stone-statue guy into a stone rock-pile, dead guy.

Meanwhile, back on the ranch, Devon sat as his magical amulet (the party could have looted if they killed him) faded from its glowing aura. “Damn that thing!”, he scoffed. Devon went up his stairs to the large pentagram shaped room above. Inside he found a particularly hungry demon that was MUCH stronger than any of the guardians he sent to retrieve his stolen loot. “Fly my pretty!”, he commanded as he let loose the winged beast. Given that Devon now knew their exact location, and knowing the speed the demon could fly, he estimated the party would be dead in about 9 hours. Tick-tock, people.



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