Players Are Stupid

This Encounter Bugs the Crap out of Me

Not that I am full of crap...

Instead of gaining the spell “fly” Tim the apprentice choose to learn a magical hut that allows him and his friends safe slumbers inside their cramped 10’ X 10’ tent. Without a way to exit the Underdark (again) the party was stultified in regards to how to proceed. Maybe backtrack to the spiders? No. Maybe go all the way back to the rope master? No. How about going back to Urthtopia for help only a day or so after they left (28 days earlier than they promised)? No. They finally settled on going back to the river and following it upstream. Everyone loves water right?

On their way they noticed a small creature standing next to a larger mechanical one. They made it quite clear they they were not interested in conversing with the thing and moved around it at a safe distance. While passing it, Tim noticed it was a gnome and his mech-suit, and he and Annabelle both wanted to investigate… after the fact. As they suspiciously doubled back, the creature stopped cleaning his vessel and jumped inside it and prepared for battle. Tim spoke with him in a surface-gnomish dialect that the ground gnome found borderline offensive. Tim simply wanted to gain free information from him, like directions to the surface and that information almost cost them all their lives as the gnome was getting quite tired of their line of questioning. He felt strongly against anything that allowed his flesh to burn from the harmful rays of the great fireball in the sky. Tim cleverly (cough) asked if the gnome “wanted to get deeper in the Underdark” which way would he go, thinking his reverse psychology would go unnoticed. The gnome pointed down, and Tim was outsmarted yet again. Cavanaugh spoke to him in goblin which made him rage inside and put his hand over the “missile button” inside his mech-suit. Finally, they realized that this was a huge waste of time for everyone involved and they bid the gnome farewell, after Peldu noticed the war symbols on the suit. The mech-gnome sent out a drone to follow the party and broadcast their location to his war party for possible extermination. Maybe next time they won’t approach a battle gnome in a hostile manor.

The party skipped rocks as they went upstream, until they heard the sounds of pitter-patter feet up ahead. They scouted up ahead to reveal that their path was being blocked by a seemingly endless stream of kobolds migrating. The party did the most logical thing – wait 1 hour… wait 2 hours… wait 3 hours… wait 4 hours…. Holy crap, that was a lot of kobold! Finally, they said “fuck it” and setup their magical hut and rested for 8 more hours. The awoke feeling quite itchy and scratchy. They were covered in bugs!!!

“Wait, I call bullshit,” Tim said, “This is a magical hut, no bugs can come in”. Then it was explained to them that the night imp had placed eggs upon their worldly possessions last time they rested and found their stuff in a big pile. Too bad they were too busy to even check.

Every member was covered in crustacean-like bugs that were swarming. Annabelle cast “dancing light” hoping to trick the bugs and GM into thinking it was the poor man’s “minor illusion” spell (in hopes to mesmerize the critters into going towards the light). Tim ran toward the water as they were biting him. Annabelle was quick to follow! Urth, on the other hand, had an idea. He used “thunderwave” to push the bugs off himself and Peldu. Unfortunately, he pushed Cavanaugh off the bugs. Both bug and human alike took damage from the attack (except Tim and Annabelle, who were out of range playing in the river). Cavanaugh tried to help by using mage hand to carry a “potion of water breathing” a couple feet away from Tim. Tim used his nature skills to figure out that (without the potion) if he went underwater long enough, the bugs would drown at about the same time he would. That didn’t stop him from doing it anyway… forgetting about the potion that was literally handed to him. While Tim was attempting suicide, Cavanaugh took off his enchanted robe of acid resistance and set it on fire to alert all things in the Underdark upon their location and in the hopes that the bugs were fucking morons and were attracted to killing themselves as much as Tim was. Their brains were the size of a pea, but they still weren’t that dumb. After one more spell slot used, the 2nd thunderwave killed 2 of the swarms. “Mage hand” was used again to try and waste an action, along with put out the fire. Annabelle was facing her own fears attacking her swarm. Urth came to her rescue with a swing of his mace and smashed the swarm.

Tim was successfully drowning himself and the bugs when Cavanaugh took it upon himself to go underwater and force feed Tim the potion of water breathing. And the final swarm did drown a minute later. The party again forgot to check their equipment for more eggs because they were met by a small band (or large platoon) of kobolds!



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