Players Are Stupid

This is my Scepter, this is my Gun.
This is for fighting, this is for fun!

Everyone was fatigued from their encounter with the spiders, so they insisted on being prepared to battle the Mind Flayer with an 8 hour rest. Annabelle took 2nd watch and Peldu did the 1st. The logic was that the two who were keeping watch didn’t need to recover any spells and the melee people only needed an hour. During the first hour, Peldu noticed something scurrying out in the shadows. He armed himself and commanded it to leave. This only provoked it into casting a sleep spell that only made Peldu wish he had a Redbull. Then the little creature shot at Peldu with a sleep dart. This caused him to follow the little guy at a safe distance. It continued to shoot at him and the barbarian finally got close enough to it in order to stab the little imp. On a successful hit, the green creature let out a yelp and dropped a tasty piece of chicken. On the next successful hit it dropped a blue potion, then it quickly ran away!

Peldu picked up his new found dinner and planned on eating it alone without sharing, but before he could, the sleeping poison that was inside the Imp’s blowdart started to sink in. And there Peldu fell asleep, 50 feet from the party, with a tasty piece of chicken in one hand, and the blue sleep antidote in the other.

The party awoke 16 hours later, and someone had forgotten to wake up Annabelle for her shift! Everyone noticed that they were naked and all of their belongings were piled up next to them. Cavanaugh took a “long look” at Annabelle as she fetched her things. (It seems like a rather crude thing for a monk to leer at an underage girl… Wait I take that back, it is par for the course.) All the gold was mixed together, so they each divided it amongst themselves for what they remembered having. While gathering their things, Urth figured out that his plate mail was really a passive, mimic beast that would attack him any time something critically hit him. But that was fair in his mind and sluffed off that bit of information. There was only 1 hour left to save Steve the urthling, and guide, out of the Underdark! They wasted 30 minutes or so trying to figure out a plan on how to out-smart the mind flayer. The only problem was that they were not smarter than him. Tim wanted to make an illusion of the scepter and try to pass that off as the real one with the help of mage hand, but everyone else just wanted to go in guns-a-blazin’. Everyone agreed that the scepter was way too powerful to give back, and it was an item well worth dying for. Urth was even interested in the scepter and voiced that he may have to muscle it off of Tim, if an opportunity presented itself.

They rushed to the spot where they left their companion, only this time they had strategic (and paranoid) positioning – Tim in the back with his protector Annabelle and Urth, Peldu and Cavanaugh leading point. Once they got to the spot, they noticed Steve facing away from them, but there was no mind flayer nor the flumph. The members in the front created more distance from Tim in order to investigate. They called out to Steve… no answer. Urth touched his worshiper’s shoulder… it fell over and his scalp popped off revealing the empty skull where Steve’s brain once was. Urth wasn’t broken up over this discovery in the least. Cavanaugh noticed a piece from his book “La Gioia Del Sesso”, which judging by the slime on it, the mind flayer either wiped his face or his ass with it.

Out of the shadows the flumph approached the party scared and hesitant. Urth demanded to know the location of their foe, as he was not too fond of trickery after the unfortunate incident with the followers of Lolth. The Flumph explained that the mind flayer ate Steve’s brain when he sensed that Tim had used the scepter, and knowing how powerful it is he deduced that a battle was imminent. But all could be avoided if they gave back what doesn’t belong to them, as promised. Urth declined the flumphs offer by ripping the beast’s face in half. (wait, wasn’t it Urth who decided to not leave the Underdark with Steve in order to help this Flumph find its cloister even after his God Umberlee warned him about the dangers ahead?) And now they were 0/2 guides who were able to help them find the surface world. Cavanaugh cast a detect magic spell in order to locate the mind flayer but he wasn’t in range (maybe if he was closer to Tim he could have detected the mind flayer stalking him).

Out of game: The DM voiced that he needed to look up a spell called “dominate monster”.

Annabelle, despite being Tim’s “protector”, for NO REASON KNOWN TO HER CHARACTER ran far far away from Tim. Maybe it was the idea that Tim might get dominated with a double-damage scepter in his possession and he just learned the “fireball” spell… but she wouldn’t have known that, hmmm. No one knew what to do to locate the mind flayer. If only Urth had remembered that he had a “locate object” spell, and that the mind flayer had Cavanaugh’s book in his possession. There was even a clue (the page covered in slime) of that fact left to remind them… Nope…

Well, Tim did get dominated by the mind flayer and made him cast double damage “magic missile” at Cavanaugh as a diversion. Even though Tim was dominated he was trying to argue that the mind flayer “only cast one missile, he didn’t say he shot the maximum 3”. The sad thing was that Tim wasn’t trying to play dumb, he was actually dumb. Cavanaugh was close to death’s door, but he wasn’t ready to knock quite yet. The dominatrix made Tim walk right up to his hiding place and hand him the artifact of his desires. Easy peasy. If only one party member was close to Tim, they would have known what was happening and maybe prevented it. Urth knew that magic missile never misses its mark and knew something was a miss. He went close to where Tim was to investigate, and figured that this area was the best strategic place for an ambush. And soon he located, Tim and in turn the flayer.

Peldu ran up but was too far to get close enough to do anything, at all, what-so-ever. Tim decided to cast fireball upon everyone except himself and his mind flayer master. Well, he didn’t exactly decide to do that on his own, but he did it nevertheless. Urth had 1 HP left and everyone else hit by the fireball wasn’t looking their best. Peldu tried to attack Tim to disrupt the dominate spell, but missed his 11 armor class… Wait what?? If they mind flayer reduces anyone to 0 HP their brain is automatically devoured by the fiend, no take backs! I am just going to put this in perspective so you can all understand what they did next. Urth cast shatter upon Tim and the mind flayer instead of healing himself, using the instant kill weapon the urthlings gave him, or running away. Even Peldu didn’t arm his stone sword that could have also instantly killed the mind flayer, if he critically hit the thing. This was the most important item they have ever seen, yet they must have been dumb-struck with item-lust or something.

Each player attacked the mind flayer and Tim was finally free from its domination without the use of the safe word. It was a Rodney King moment for sure, except in this moment Rodney had a “Plannar Shift” spell that he used to exit this dimension and
enter another one, and instead of a video camera. I was fiercely jotting down the events as they unfolded in my journal. Just like that, the scepter was gone, along with all of its wonders, power and mystique. Tim felt worse about himself than he ever had felt before, and he vowed to never stop searching until that scepter was his again.

You Brainwash, I'll Braindry
Stick a needle in your eye

The party wanted to find their short-lost friend Urth, but were hesitant as to marching orders, tactics or directions on how to proceed. They were really lost without the surly-zealot, that was evident. Finally, they decided to follow the tracks heading west. Annabelle scouted ahead with two loaded crossbows that were attached to her hip, got struck by some webbing, and was left without an exit strategy. She didn’t want to accidentally misfire her crossbow again, and hurt herself… again. So, she unloaded two bolts into thin air (and waved them like she just don’t care). After readying her sword she chopped her way out of there, and they continued on.

The webbing became more and more abundant and the tracks became less visible. They finally reached a light in the distance. Tim the brave (is what we are now calling him), successfully stealthed up to investigate. There was Urth, watching a propaganda illusion that was being projected in the air with a pro-spider agenda! Urth, the cleric of Umberlee, was not restrained in any way and it seemed he was willingly “buying into this garbage”. Around him were two giant spiders and an even gianter’ spider being ridden by a man (actually, it was a dryad). Annabelle was thinking about sneaking up there to get a look when, “Boo,” Peldu teased as he wasn’t even noticed by Tim when he snuck up to him.
They gleaned that a rescue was in order, and tried to draw the spiders out of their lair. A tactical spell (with double damage granted from the scepter) from Tim did the trick, and they both ran back to the party flailing their arms like children. Annabelle awaited, ready to slice the first baddie that was next to Peldu (he was growing on her, and maybe soon in her). Urth was conflicted. During his 1st hour of watching imagery of spiders eating giants and taking down the Berlin wall, it seemed foolish and bad CGI to him, but by hour 6 it was starting to make a lot of sense. He heard Lolth, the spider queen’s voice commanding him to protect the predaceous arachnids.

What Tim and Peldu didn’t expect was that the arthropods would come for them on the ceiling, by using their webbed path. Annabelle was also disappointed because she had her sword out and her crossbows were empty. Peldu was not about to throw his spear, Britney, at the spider rider because he knew it was toxic! 3 shots from the dryad left Tim feeling a little less awesome, and the webbing that engulfed his feet from the giant spider made him feel like lieutenant Dan. But, he wasn’t scared (like lieutenant Dan during that storm where he went toe-to-toe with God, and he and Forrest were the lone survivors of the storm, and created the Bubba Gump Shrimp Co.)

Urth ran away from the orb and cast fog cloud over Tim to help rescue himself. Instead, however, he put the chubby egomaniac in a full-nelson, giving a clear shot for the dryad (it must have been Lolth’s influence). Cavanaugh threw his bangerang which missed, missed, missed, and then went off into the distance… and hit something! Adding another spider to the mix! The next round Tim was hit by another 3 arrows and was unconscious in Urth’s arms. Cavanaugh used an inspiring word, like “Fight!” and Tim was all better!

They managed to take out a couple of the giant spiders, but the bangerang also brought in a couple more giant spiders. Peldu went to attack one that was in front of him, but dramatically missed, cutting a hole under his feet. (Apparently they were all standing on webbing so old it was covered in dirt and dust and felt solid.) After taking humiliation damage, Peldu was in a hole without a rope. He tried to climb out but remembered “he was in a hole, without a rope”. He walked underneath the spider that he was attacking (which was trying to eat Cavanaugh) and tried to stab it from below, but then remembered that he was 10 feet down. He is 5 feet tall, and his weapon is 3 feet long. Finally, he took out Britney and stabbed holes around the giant spider causing it to fall upon his own head.

Cavanaugh used his magic rope to grab a hold of the dryad’s leg, then lowered himself into the first hole Peldu fell in, and was ready for his rescue. Peldu however used his actions to “loot the giant spider of its bow”, not realizing that giant spiders don’t have opposable thumbs, and therefore have no way of using such an item. Peldu crawled over closer to Cavanugh, but wasn’t able to quite get there. “Fuck this shit,” Cavanaugh thought to himself as he launched up on his rope to punch the “spider rider” in the pooper. It would have been super-cool if he hadn’t missed 3 times. Peldu tried to jump out of the hole, but I don’t think even Magic Johnson could have made that jump. (I was just being nice he totally could have, well, before the AIDS and all)

Urth, unsure of his actions, decided to create a fog cloud around the party, then run as far away from the illusion as possible (which was a solid plan as he was doing more harm than good at this point) but not before accurately throwing his silken rope, almost making it into the hole Peldu had fallen in. Peldu was excited and almost jumped for the rope, which was not connected to anything on the other end. Annabelle, Tim and Cavanaugh were running in and out of the fog cloud, gaining concealment from the arrows. That is, until the dryad cast faerie fire upon them, which gave away their exact position. Everyone was running around like bugs when you pick up the rock they were hiding under, as the dryad continued to shoot them from above. Annabelle missed a couple bolts with her crossbow, to uncover that the ceiling too was just more webbing.

Tim the brave, finally blew this dryad guy… away, and his enchanted bow stood there on the ceiling just waiting for someone to snatch it up (which they didn’t). The party figured that this lair could grant them access to higher levels of the Underdark, and maybe lead them closer to getting out. But they wanted to go back for Steve, who was their sure ticket for getting out… and with only 17 hours left to spare.

The Last of the Gob-hicans
ou stay alive, no matter what occurs! I will find you.

They made their way to the corral which Annabelle had never seen before, and managed to find the opening which was blocked off by a megalithic rock with two enormous hands cradling it. But no head, arms, feet or butt-hole seemed to be connected to the hands from their vantage point. Tim used detect magic in hopes to either A: find the scepter, or B: figure out if this rock was magical. Well, the rock wasn’t magical. And the funny thing about detect magic is, it is blocked by 3 feet of stone, which this was much more than. The whole stockade of the corral consisted of sharp rocks in fact. They said a couple “magic” words, which were really just “words”. Annabelle then climbed up the rock and soon the rest of the lot joined her; with the help of the magic rope, of course. On the other side, they now saw the head, arms, feet and butt-hole of the monster that owned the mysterious hands! It was a hill giant, and they gathered that its sole purpose was to lift the rock as a doorway to the compound.

Annabelle wanted to pick the locks that chained the beast, but there were none. It seems this beast has been here, in this exact position, since the creation of these chains. There were no locks, there were no keys. Cavanaugh pet the hill giant’s hand with his mage hand. They asked it a series of questions but it just seemed sad, and broken. The giant’s neck was malformed due to out growing his shackles. He acted like a beaten dog, in the child pose position. Tim used shatter on a weak spot in his neck shackles and boom, he was free!!!! Once he realized that his freedom had now been given to him, he pulled the megalithic boulder back and threw it hundreds of feet toward the battlefield! Peldu and Annabelle were still on top of it! Tim saved the day by casting feather fall upon them both.Thehill giant tried to stand, but as anyone who has ever done the child pose for more than 10 minutes knows, your back is fucked. Now, imagine doing it for 100 plus years. Yeah, mega fucked!

Not able to stand, the hill giant used his incredibly strong arms to pull himself forward as he let out a horrific sound that he mustered from 100 years of pain and working out with this boulder! He charged the battlefield and bugbear and hobgoblin alike joined forces to try and best this enraged tyrant! So, this was a great opportunity to casually look around some huts inside the compound, as the whole Underdark shook with terror! The party then knew that this whole level was on the verge of collapsing down upon them, and finding the scepter was paramount. They rushed deeper inside the compound that lead into a cave. Peldu stood back and lit a fire upon a hut outside before entering with the party. Inside, the cavern spiraled up and up with many smaller caves that looked like homes and such. Many yellow eyes stared at them from above. If they looked more farly, they would have noticed the light coming from the very top of the cave was none other than surface light!

Everyone rushed to a shrine in the center of the huge cavern, and luckily for them the chieftain of the whole establishment was sitting waiting for them, holding his most prize possession, the scepter. The hobgoblin chieftain foresaw this day long ago. Ever since that day, he has sat in his throne waiting for the 4 horseman to deliver his destiny by spilling his blood. And here they were, less menacing than he expected, but nevertheless they were them. He was certain. As the walls cracked and shook, the remaining tribe of non-warrior types hid in wait – their numbers were less than 1,000. The chieftain knew he couldn’t win this fight, so his heart was not in it, but he had to dance the dance if he were to claim his honorable spot in the afterlife.

Without words the party descended upon him, ignoring his melancholy. After over 100 points of damage, the chieftain fulfilled his role in the Apocalypse, and the party, theirs. During the fight Cavanaugh fumbled while using the quarter staff he got from the doppelgangers and discovered that it too was a mimic hiding in wait. How did he know this? Well it bit him, that is how! He threw down the quarterstaff and picked up another one, or at least he “thinks” it is a different one, only time will tell. Cavanaugh reached for the scepter but Annabelle grabbed it first, along with a fist full of coins. She even used mage hand to “ninja” these items, whereas everyone else hit the “Greed” button. Even Tim, who technically is the only one who “Needed” it.

Everyone ran as the huge structure started to cave in! Hobgoblins were raining down from their home-caves. At the sight of this Peldu, the pyromancer, was looking for something to start a fire, as if the fact that the whole place was about to come down didn’t sink in his head. It was clear that all of these hobgoblins were going to die. Do you also have to burn them? It is a little over kill, no? Then as the party was running for their lives, they were stopped by a huge fiery-blaze that Peldu had lit before entering the cavern, blocking their only way out. So, they had to jump the shark fire. Tim came very close to dying in a fire, as they all took burn damage. Jumping through the fire was a good decision after all, because a near moment later, the party was covered by a tsunami of 1,000 innocent hobgoblin’s blood, as the structure collapsed upon itself.

By the time they made it out of the corral both opposing armies were completely massacred by the hill giant! Annabelle split the party again, as she hi-tailed it outta there with her loot. Whereas Cavanaugh, Tim and Peldu all desperately wanted to talk to the hill giant, who was bashing his skull against a wall trying to make an escape – still in his crippled state. Once they got there however, they were a little lost for words as the giant was unable to speak. Tim tried to summon the GIANT hill giant as his familiar, but despite his large brain, he didn’t really know how shit works in this world (maybe he should have finished his training with his master).

Once they ran out of ideas, Cavanaugh gave the giant a ball baring to choke on? He accepted it for some reason. The giant then stuck his very large and very dirty finger inside his bottom eyelid and presented the moisture to Cavanaugh. He and the others bathed themselves in the salty stuff and did the same to their own eye (I think they might have just put hobgoblin blood in there). It was a beautiful moment, and they all felt as if they had a full nights sleep!! Except of course Annabelle who was counting her loot and demanded the party do a short one hour rest. As if they had no where to go. It’s cool, only 20 hours left to save Steve guys :D Tick, tock.

What is the Level of This Quest Again?

The mind flayer gave them very good directions which led right to a steep, rocky grade. Annabelle decided to run up it, “Like no problem,” but she did have a problem and got stabbed by a stabby rock! Peldu also got a little taste of rock to the face before making the climb. Tim ran so fast up the slope that he fell over and just rolled up the darn thing like a boulder made of fat that could defy gravity, taking no damage and none of the rocks could penetrate his cream filling!

Once everyone was up at the top Cavanaugh remembered that he had a magic rope of climbing. He turn down to Urth who was having a difficult time making the climb in his full set of plate mail armor. But before they could do anything to help him, two giant spiders descended upon him dragging him away into the Underdark! Everyone thought about saving him, but finally they were disabused of the idea due to mainly how long they took “talking” about it instead of acting. “I am sure he is long gone by now,” Peldu insisted. So they pressed on!

Around 1,000 feet away was a corral made entirely of jagged rocks, but there was a lot of commotion going on outside of the structure. Cavanaugh knew that there was some conflict going on and a lot of goblin swear words being throw out, like candy 10 months after Halloween. Annabelle was blind as a bat, but that didn’t stop her from stealthing ahead in the dark, in the middle of a battlefield, and alone. Peldu was close behind her (and we now learned that is where he wants to be someday, zing!) Tim and Cavanaugh were confused. They still thought going after Urth was on the table, but after looking at each other they wondered, “Who is going to protect us?” and proceeded to follow Mr. ADD and Mrs ADHD into the darkness (which they could totally see in).

They were slowing walking in the middle of an epic power struggle between hundreds of goblinoids. They thought it strange that some of the goblinoids were larger than the others and had different attire. But Cavanaugh with his plus 7 racism insisted that they all looked exactly the same to him. The goblins were fighting each other, and their group, for the most part, were un-noticed. That is, until Tim felt some pain in his chest and started to bleed from the mouth for some reason. Tim was not one to have a high pain threshold and yelled out, “Oh, fuck!” This alerted 6 smaller goblinoids and 1 big one that proceeded to follow him. Tim had a large brain, but he was still unsure on how to use it; that was evident when he started to flee from them in a “z-formation”. This act caused him to step on Cavanaugh, and also alert some of his pursuers to his location as well.

Cavanaugh used his magic rope to grab hold on a stalactite to Indiana Jones his way to safety. Or he would have, if the stalactite didn’t break on, and land on top of him. This action did however give him a little head start, as oppose to Tim’s “z formation” which helped the goblinoids catch up to him. Peldu and Annabelle just sat there hoping they wouldn’t get noticed. Cavanaugh spoke goblin quite well, and was still wearing his racist dark-elf costume. So, he decided to perform a schtick. He explained that he was a dark-elf observer from a city (NOT Menzoberranzan), and he was here to spectate on the battle to report back the victor. (The tiny crown he had on his head from the rope contest wasn’t helping his argument). At this point the bard-monk realized that one group of goblinoids were hobgoblins and the other, larger ones were bugbears (or Mexicans of the Underdark). They insisted that he must fight with honor and not be so cowardly! This whole conversation was happening all the while the bugbears and hobgoblins where beating on each other. Cavanaugh then told him that he was a sissy girl; which angered the bugbear into choosing a side for him.

With one hit from the bugbears club, Cavanaugh to dropped unconscious. No wait, he remembered he activated his defensive ability that gives him resistance and he lived! Then like batman who forgot something at the batcave, Cavanaugh used the rope to pull himself up, up and away! The bugbear cursed at him, but got met with something along the lines of, “You can’t get me, neener, neener, neener!” Annabelle, like a chicken girl, shot arrows from afar, not wanting to get hurt (that is also why she cannot commit in a relationship).

Tim decided to attack the bugbear (but missed), choosing the side of the hobgoblins also, but then had the super smart idea to also attack the hobgoblins so that they would also attack him! (But missed, over and over again). Things were getting bad. Cavanaugh used his magic rope to lower himself down close enough to kick a bugbear in the face. But like a fat kid at a pinata party without a blindfold, the bugbear spilled all of Cavanaugh’s candy all over the floor. He fell to the ground lifeless, and took more damage as is face was introduced to the floor. Tim rushed to help out, while Annabelle still ran in, stabbed, then ran out avoiding a single hit (I guess most women don’t really like to get hit on). Tim managed to do a little damage, but soon his candy was also scattered all over the floor! It was just Peldu and Annabelle. Cavanaugh was getting closer to death, and he critically awoke to save the day! After healing Tim, the two brave-ass braveasses fought side by side with Peldu to rid the world of these fuckers! (They had under 10 hit points between them). Whereas Annabelle was at full life, hiding in the background, running out of ammo and daggers…

Annabelle rushed in to help and stabbed the last remaining hobgoblin. YEAH! But then ran away, leaving Cavanaugh open to an attack. BOO! And that is what happened. Cavanaugh, like a champion got hit, again. And spilled his candy all over the place, again! They finally managed to barely kill the last of the foes who were engaged with them, but no one had any means to heal Cavanaugh because he was the only one who could heal. Tim stabilized his little warrior-that-could, but didn’t want to wait 1-4 hours for him to wake up – especially in the middle of this huge gob-on-gob war going on. Tim searched all his spells in his spell book, all his items in his inventory. Annabelle looted dead goblinoids for her own self-gain. Finally, Tim found the scroll that he found in the Urthtopia treasure room filled with mimics! After further inspection he knew that this scroll could cast 1 spell level 4 or under, one time. All he had to do was say its name. He decided to use it to cast “cure wounds” but his dyslexia almost made him say “cloud kill”. And cure wounds it did, it cured Cavanaughs broken pinata body, his broken heart and even his bad breath!

Mind Flayer Ate My Balls
and all I got was this t-shirt

The party was face-to-face with this menacing squid-face. They were not sure if they had seen or eaten one of these before. Annabelle asked the Flumph telepathically if this was its cloister. Which alerted the Flumph that Annabelle is a total ditz and knew nothing about a cloister what-so-ever. I mean everyone with half a brain knew, “A cloister is usually in a large cavern or (in swamps and grasslands) a large, nest-like bower constructed of grass and mud.” The Flumph responded, “No this is much more scrumptious.”


They slowly started to back away taking the mind flayer for a fool and it used its mind to command them to, “Stop slave.” Annabelle was not the slightest bit intimidated. While feeling a little bit sassy, she sassed back at him, as women tend to do. The party was feeling quite ballsy and was prepared to make sushi out of this guy! The Illithid reiterated, this time motioning to them to kneel before his power. Annabelle didn’t like people inside her head anymore than she liked giving head, and decided to insult the creature by speaking aloud instead of telepathically. Peldu was about to throw Britney Spear at the fearsome foe, like he did with the cyclops (oops, I did it again). But the mind flayer decided to stun every last one of them, leaving them powerless against its almighty power. The beast toyed with them wrapping his tentacles around their brains to see which one was the tastiest. It was determined that Tim had the smartest, most active, fatty brain of them all. The Illithid was almost drooling ink on himself.

Cavanaugh used his mind to communicate to the beast that obviously had no problem besting them. He told the beast about a VERY interesting picture book he found in a sex-cult and he could have it – all he had to do was take it out of his bag. The mind flayer searched Cavanaugh’s mind and decided that this book did have interest to him. The book levitated out of the motionless bard-monk’s bag and into the hands of the mind flayer. Cavanaugh then started getting cold feet and started to back-pedal on the gift stating, “I might need that back at some point – it is a loan.” After noticing the foul expression on the squid-faced creature, Cavanaugh double back-peddled and told him to keep it as long as he needs it. Tim had a different plan in mind, he challenged him to a battle of wits… “How about you un-stun us, and if you cannot answer my riddle you must let us go!” The flayer counter offered with, “Why don’t I eat your brain to find the answer?” The master of negotiations couldn’t negotiate out of that one.

Peldu then offered to do some services for their freedom. Seeing as they were already his slaves, whether they knew it or not, the mind flayer was open minded to this. The tentacly slaver offered a fetch quest for their lives. “Bring me my scepter that was taken by some annoying hobgoblins up ahead, and I will give you your lives (not your freedom mind you). They all agreed as they were scared as shit. Peldu thought to himself about tricking the mind flayer and killing him later if they decided that the quest was too hard. The mind flayer responded to this thought, “You know I can hear you right?”

The brave adventurers agreed to the terms but there was one last detail that needed to be decided. “Who will stay here for collateral?” The went back and forth and in the end the two runner ups were Urth or Steve the Urthling. They finally settled on Steve as they “Really didn’t know him anyway.” Plus, they had a lukewarm feeling about doing the quest, forgetting of course that Steve and the Flumph were the only tickets they had to get out of the Underdark and they were about to leave them both with a creature that just made them all his bitch, prison-style!

The mind flayer un-stunned them and gave them directions to the hobby-gobbies and they party pressed on, brains intact. Not before heeding the mind flayers final instruction, “But be warned that if your don’t return within 24 hours with the scepter I will eat the shit out of Steve’s brain as an appetizer, then I will proceed to hunt you down one by one, and do the same to you. And once I shit out your brains, I will then put them back inside your head, because that is what I think of you… shit for brains!” Steve knew Urth would come back for him but was a little uneasy as the mind flayer dusted his scalp with lemon pepper and other spices and chopped some carrots on him, all the while singing “I want chicken, I want dinner, Steve’s brains, Steve’s brains, please deliver.”

Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Maid!
What is the most fattening type of cake? Wedding.

Urth and his merry bunch of non-Urths still had no idea how they were to leave Urthtopia. With most of his followers out on fetch-quests, Urth decided to just try and leave. He was met with resistance and tears. Urth bargained that if he were to save the world he would need to leave this place and get on with it already! He requested the assistance of the chronicler, who they now called “Steve” – instead of his given name, “Most-Congenial Urth”.
Steve was to document everything that was to happen and create the greatest holy book to ever be “thumped”. Urth was still met with resistance. That is when Annabelle jumped up and made a great sermon about life, God and destiny, but one of the Urth-a-likes cut her off and said, “Yo, Anna, I’m really happy for you. I’ma let you finish, but Urth had one of the best speeches of all time! One of the best voices of all time!”

Finally Urth promised to return in no later than 30 days with instructions as to what to do before the end of days. In the meantime, just go about business as usual; watch Game of Thrones, and eat pizza pockets! They gave him a mace called “shatter” and agreed to let their wonderful buzzard fly from the nest as they understood he had a higher purpose. Steve was quite happy with his new found importance – writing the book of all books was a daunting task (believe me I know). I on the other hand was a little threatened at the sight of another scribe jotting down their every move, and I knew it was my new mission to eliminate Steve at all cost! Urth decided that Steve should be seen and not heard, but he was a very loud writer always mumbling what he wrote and laughing to himself. Also, he was horrible at “blending in”. What an amateur!

Annabelle decided that she wanted to tie a rope to each of her two crossbows and have them cocked, and loaded at all times. The idea behind this was that she could fire two bolts and drop her weapons without them falling on the ground. Sounds reasonable. I mean what could go wrong? Without hesitation Urth started to hatch a plan on how to find their napped friend, Peldu. He remembered one particular spear the tiefling barbarian had named “Britney”. Urth cast the “locate object” spell, and they were on their way to save the day.

On their travels they heard a faint sound that seemed to be getting louder. “I want my baby-back, baby-back, baby-back,” continued over and over again. It got louder and louder still! Before anyone could recognize the Chilli’s baby back ribs commercial, a mother displacer beast pounced on the party, wanting her dead baby that Urth had murdered a couple days prior, back! Annabelle tried to stab the thing but shot herself in the foot due to her “always loaded crossbows”. After much hissing, scratching, biting and phasing, the party rid the world of the displacer beast’s bloodline. (Wait didn’t someone have animal handling?)

The search was underfoot, again! And they came to a large cathedral. Urth did a little investigating and figured out (with the help of Yelp) that it was a cathedral of the spider queen Lolth. (Which Urth LOL-thed a little himself at that discovery.) Cavanaugh decided to “blend in” and put on a makeshift disguise of a dark-elf – black face and a beard. He also got +2 for racism. Urth pushed open the heavy stone doors like a badass ’cuz, “Umberlee fear no Lolth”. He was met by an animated skeleton wearing fine attire. “Groom or bride?” the skeleton asked rather slowly, to which they responded, “Groom?” “Sign in here,” the skeleton instructed, reaching for the guest book. A zombie usher, who smelled like old people (or as some of you know – death), ushered them to the right side of the chapel, which was empty besides them. The left side however was filled with ghouls, skeletons, zombies, mummies, wights, shades, and one vampire who was brooding. On the stage was a dark-elf priestess of Lolth giving an introduction to the ceremony.

Annabelle decided to case the joint and found the reception supplies – cake, food, party favors, wine… wait wine! She lifted a full bottle and a couple jars of mead and took her seat. It wasn’t long before they saw their dear friend Peldu walk down the isle to the theme music of the Adams Family. His eyes were jet black and he walked a little bit like an Egyptian. About this point Annabelle was finished with her bottle of wine and halfway done with her mead, but just beginning to yell out obscenities drawing more attention to them. About the time the Banshee bride walked down the isle Annabelle said, “He cannot marry his mom, can he?” Then she proceeded to pass out, head on pew.

It was a beautiful ceremony, Tim got a little misty eyed, forgetting of course that maybe Peldu didn’t really want to marry this old hag (who looked surprisingly better with her veil obstructing her face area. Cavanaugh thought the banshee “looked fat” in that dress and it totally didn’t complement her figure. (he watches a lot of “Say ‘Yes’ to the Dress”)

Right at the point where the dark-elf priestess said, “If anyone objects to this union…” Cavanaugh jumped up and objected to the union stating that he doesn’t love her, she is old, and doesn’t have child bearing hips. Most of the audience had to agree with that point. The banshee cried and ran to the comfort of her mommy who was the mummy. “Is this some sort of joke, about us not being able to grow beards?” the dark-elf questioned Cavanaugh’s disguise. He then quickly tried to rub off the black-face makeup to explain. (plus 3 to racism) “Oh so we don’t take baths or something? You are filled with ignorance right now,” the dark-elf continued. ( plus 4 to racism)“Someone has to get married today, or else no one is getting back their deposit!” the dark-elf threatened. Well, no one wanted that! So, Cavanaugh offered a deal… “How about your marry Peldu to Annabelle (who was still passed out)… I mean, she always said how he was one of her favorites….”

There was a long pause…

The banshee fled out the room sobbing, “I knew they were going to ruin my wedding!!!” “Ok, let’s have ourselves a wedding!” the priestess agreed – not caring that the groom was clearly under some spell and Annabelle clearly couldn’t hold her liquor. Some of the undead held Annabelle up and made her face nod to the union, but before the undead could make them both kiss Urth could stand no more! He cast turn undead upon his shield causing every undead creature inside the chapel to flee for their lives! This left just the dark-elf priestess and the adventurers unaffected by the spell. Peldu and Annabelle were both on the floor out of their minds! Urth snatched them up and carried them both out the door. The priestess was furious at them for toying with the sanctity of marriage, twice! She followed them outside and summoned two giant spiders to pursue them and bring back the bride and groom at all costs! Urth ignored the beasts and kept on walking as they attacked him, until he finally pushed ahead and they were out of reach, but didn’t stop the chase.

The farther they got from the banshee, the more Peldu started to become more like himself. Urth asked Steve if he knew the way out of the Underdark, and he made indication that he did. The group was at an impasse – on one hand they now knew they way out and no longer needed to assist the Flumphh in finding it’s cloister. But on the other hand, they made a promise. Everyone was happy to break that promise except Urth. He decided to phone a friend, Umberlee. The god responded stating that they no longer need the Flumphs escort quest as long as they have Steve to guide them out of the Underdark, and only pain and suffering would come to them if they continued with the quest. Despite the warning from Umberlee, Urth decided to go along with the escort quest anyway. The Flumph started to recognize some of the area and it felt the presence of his cloister. It Flumphed its way faster up ahead; so far that the party had trouble keeping up. One thing you should know about Flumphs is that they are drawn to psychic energy… and that is exactly what they found. Not the cloister, but a mind flayer, hungry… for brains!

Citizens of Urth
Take me to your leader

During the slumber, lots of underdarkian fiends crossed paths with the sleeping adventurers. An umber hulk took a huge crap right next to Annabelle’s bedroll, two drow elves were fighting and stepped on Cavanaugh, even a manticore came by and ate someone’s sack-lunch without alerting anyone.

First to rise in the morning was was Cavanaugh the bard-monk and Annabella the Rogue-Warrior-Arcane trickster. They both noticed something “strange”, a haggard old woman was cradling Peldu’s head while he was unconscious, recovering from his close call with death. Cavanaugh was quick to ask, “Are you his mom?”. And the banshee retorted with a shrill sound and swept up Peldu – the object of her affection – and glided out of sight!

Soon the other “lazy” adventurers awoke and were concerned as to where Peldu went. Cavanaugh explained that his mom came and picked him up, and she was definitely NOT a MILF. The party debated for a half a minute to determine if they should go after and save Peldu, “NO” was their unanimous decision. Side note: Annabelle did say that the only two people she mildly had a crush on were Urth and Peldu, who were both not present at the moment.

The party walked upstream and spotted Urth, Annabelle missed him most and her nether regions reminded her just how much (she may have daddy issues). Right before the party greeted him with open arms, they spotted another Urth getting a drink of water. What another great opportunity to play 20 questions, the only problem was that the party didn’t really know much about Urth and they couldn’t tell if the answers were true or not.

Finally the Urths came clean and told how they are both doppelgangers and worship the human they know as Urth – their lord and savior. They were sent here on a pilgrimage to seek out the 3 prophets Annabelle, Tim, Cavanaugh and the mighty towel boy, Peldu. “Where be the mighty towel boy?”, the Urths questioned in unison. Cavanaugh showed them “La Gioia Del Sesso”, the very book he lifted from the sex cult. This explained everything and they all moved to Urthtopia, which was more like a fuittopia.

On the way the Urths told grand tales of Urth, such as that one time Urth wanted some water but then he slapped it out of another Urths hand. Like the bible, I am sure this story had some sort of moral message but I couldn’t find any. Finally they came to a cave and the Urths pulled a switch and a secret opening in the wall appeared. Inside, it looked almost like the surface world! They painted rocks to look like trees, rocks to look like grass even cast an illusion of the ceiling to make it look like Caesar’s Palace in Las Vegas. The party found that everyone residing in this secret lair had the face of Urth, even the children! Whispers echoed throughout the cavern about the prophets as they pointed and giggled. The party entered the throne room and found another Urth-face sitting there, but this time I was the real Urth!

First Urth sent his minions out of the room but they were totally listening, so he cast a silence spell on the door. Then Urth explained that he did something while sleep walking that inspired this band of doppelgangers to think he was the chosen one and he has been here ever since being worshiped like a god. Everything seemed great for him, so he sent one doppelganger with his equipment to live out Urth’s life with the rest of the party. Everyone was a little embarrassed as they explained how their meta-gaming caused that doppelganger to die, but the good news is that they looted him! (they returned Urth his bloody belongings). God-Urth continued to explain that everything was perfect here until he tried to contact Umberlee for guidance. The doppelgangers believed that Urth alone was to save the people from the end of days and gaining insight from an outside source would poison his inspiration and so it was forbidden. Seeing as Urth was a subject of Umberlee, he decided that this would not do, and told him minion Urths to fetch his old companions to break him outta here.

The party conspired for a long while as to which option would be best fitting for their situation. One option they were toying around with was about how to cave in the structure killing every man-urth woman-urth and child-urth. Another talk involved poison and water supply. There weren’t any peaceful exit strategies on the table. Finally Urth sent for the best fighter within the clan. He then sent them all on a wild goose chase to find rare items such as 1 unicorn mane, 2 spider-silk ropes, a heart of a hook horror and my car keys (those things are impossible to find). Urth’s plan was to keep his followers preoccupied so that he might make his escape. One of his two minions that never left his side was working on a sculpted bust of Urth (which wasn’t very flattering) the other was the chronicler who wrote down every word and event that happened to Urth despite its importance or lack there of.

The party inquired about the treasure room, and were told that there was a lot of wealth and rations that they were stock-piling in the anticipation of the end of days. The party briefly inquired about the events and were told of strange occurrences, such as missing cities and non-hostile balrogs roaming the Underdark. That seemed to quench their curiosity enough and they didn’t delve deeper into maybe wondering “what missing cities” or why they thought of Urth as their savior.

I was also disguised as Urth, but I was no match for the shape-shifters. Almost every Urth-a-like asked me what was wrong and I had to make up some kind of believable shore-story, such as “I got kicked in the face by a retarded centaur”, or “I had a bad outbreak of HIV today”. The only people who didn’t notice me was the party of adventures. They were led into the hoard of riches and their eyes widened and soon turned into dollar signs. Before you could say pinata the party was grabbier than Bill Cosby at a sleep over! Now let me tell you something about doppelgangers, what they think is valuable is deception, it is their whole deal. So it wouldn’t be far off to stockpile a whole bunch of mimics (creatures that disguise themselves like objects and pouch one unsuspecting victims). And that is exactly what happened. Each person found themselves with a mimic disguised as either a quarter staff, shield, scroll or bag of gold.

Annabelle tried to cry for help demanded the doppelgangers to save them, but they only listen to their god-king Urth and felt Annabelle was trying a little too hard name-dropping to look cool. During the fight Annabelle fled and let everyone else take most the damage, and in the end Urth, Tim and Cavanaugh were all bleeding out. Before tending to Tim’s wounds (who was one roll away for permanent death) she collected her daggers, slowly. She finally got it together enough to save the party (hey I thought she liked Urth?)

The party retired to their chambers for the night and in the morning Urth cured Cavanaugh of the Athlete’s Death that was going to kill him in 26 days!

Dark Elves Give Dark Hells!
Know any good campfire songs?

The party followed the river upstream as the cave widened into a large cavern! Annabelle noticed a dim light off in the distance. They all agreed that splitting up the party and sending the 17-year old Annabelle alone to investigate was a wonderful idea. She slowly crept up a couple blocks without making a sound, and right before she had visual confirmation as to the source of the light, she stepped on some gum. An, “EEEEWWWWW”, sound alerted whomever had just been gathering around the now empty campfire.

Annabelle was alone, scared and found out. So, she did what any inexperienced female would do after getting caught stalking… She ran, she ran fast, she ran without any regard to anything she was stepping on. It sounded like a rhino stomping through an Easter egg hunt. Crash, boom, bam and crunch was all the party heard coming their way fast. They didn’t hear, “Hide, run, battle stations”, as Annabelle was only concerned with her own well being. Annabelle cast a mist spell over the party and they all tucked their heads hoping whatever campers were camping might get distracted by geocaching and move on. Unfortunately the Underdark wasn’t known for its random spherically shaped mist balls and it ended up drawling more attention to her location. Suffice to say that they were drawn to it, like gorillas to mist.

Annabelle decided to waste another spell by casting an illusion sound of her footsteps leading out of the mist back towards the waterfall. But there was not visual confirmation that she moved from the mist, and every single creature in the entire Underdark knew exactly where Annabelle was. After hiding with pride inside the mist for a couple minutes some Dark elves decided to show themselves – despite being masters of stealth, especially in their domain. This was an act of kindness among dark elves which means, “We mean you no harm, and don’t wish to stab you multiple times”. There were a total of 6 dark elven, who realized that they outnumbered the party by double and maybe that is why they were so scared inside the mist and wouldn’t come out. One of the dark elves motioned to the other three to follow the illusion down stream to further their act of kindness. Right as the leader started to say, “Come join our campfire we have s’mores”, Annabelle jumped out of the mist and proceeded to murder! (This is why you never make friends with your camp-neighbors). Hacking and slashing, bolting and magicing, singing and dancing the party managed to fell the 3 dark elves, but not without taking some hits.

The 3 other dark elves returned from down stream to find their friends’ blood splattered everywhere! One of the dark elves in this party was a mage, and her spells were no joke! Cavanaugh soon realized that his boomerang “Bangerang” had a special magical property that upon missing a target it quickly moved to another target, and so on and so forth, until it made a hit. It then hastily returned to his hand. Annabelle still was all, “Meh”. The bard-monk was trying really hard to “knock out” the dark elves instead of killing them outright, but the Bangerang would finish them off if it missed the primary target. The dark-elf mage cast a sleep spell that put Peldu, Cavanaugh and Annabelle all to sleep. It was just Tim vs 3 dark elves. Tim used mage hand to wake up Annabelle and was subsequently lightning bolted from the dark-elf mage for most of his life. Annabelle was at an impasse, she wanted to wake up Peldu who also wanted to be woken up but she didn’t want to waste ALL of her actions on using the safe mage hand. Peldu mumbled in his sleep something about a using a dagger to wake him up. Mmmm double damage because he is sleeping, but he has resistance of 50% vs slashing type damage. Annabelle proceeded to throw her main dagger at the dark-elf mage, then used her bonus (free) dagger at Peldu as requested. She was well aware that Peldu only had 4 life points left which was the maximum damage for the weapon type “dagger”. And I am no math genius (but I have the feeling that Annabelle is), and she knew quite well that it was a 1-in-4 chance of killing Peldu. And… well… she did just that. Instead of Peldu taking a nap, he was now taking an “unconscious while bleeding out”.

It was pretty gritty. I ain’t gonna lie, but the party did manage to kill the last standing dark-elf camper, and acquired a map of all the dark-elf cities in the area, but no indication on how to exit the Underdark to the Upperlight. One dark elf was sleeping unconscious on the ground and Cavanaugh decided to do the classic lawful-good move, “I am going to walk over here and not turn around, even if I hear the sounds of a defenseless creature getting killed in cold blood as to not challenge my alignment or personal moral compass as to the actions that may or may not be happening behind me. Wink. Nod”, while Annabelle finished off the dark elf just to make sure everyone got experience for them. The party knew they could no longer move forward as they ran out of spells, life, and the willingness to carry on. Also, who wants to drag around a dying, tiefling barbarian without a gurney? They managed to accept the dark elves offer to share their campfire even though they were all dead.
And the s’mores WERE amazing! The party decided to sleep 8 hours, without someone keeping watch. And just for the record, “It was a metaphoric dagger”, Peldu said in his sleep.

Rope? We Don't Need no Stinking Rope!
Do we?

The party failed to find the sunken mushroom city as they were quick to leave to fungus field and move along deeper within the Underdark. They heard a “roaring” sound and felt dampness around them and spent quite a lot of time trying to figure out what was in store for them, a trap maybe, or something even more sinister? Nope, it was just a waterfall coming from a floor above and crashing down into a lagoon about 4 floors down. It was a beautiful sight to the party members who could see in the dark. The party used up all their rope so they couldn’t climb up, nor could they slide down. All seemed lost until Tim noticed a small hut inside an alcove.

The party knocked on the door, while Cavanaugh said a greeting spoken in the language of goblin. Why? Because he can! They heard some rattling going on and out popped a gray dwarf, commonly known as a duergar, wielding a torch ready to attack goblins!

Tim asked the increasingly hostile gray dwarf, “Do you speak commono?” He got no indication of such. Annabelle tried to look past him to case out his crib. Cavanaugh had a wonderful idea to ask him something in elven, again, because he can! This freaked out the gray dwarf more than anything because Cavanaugh’s elven sounded quite close to dark elven, which was the language of the troublesome foes that often roam these parts.

Annabelle was about ready to “waste this guy” when Tim found out something very important while reviewing his character sheet abilities. He knew a spell called “understand language”, and he knew this spell at first level!!! So, let’s project back for a minute… if Tim used this spell on the note his master left him back in Waterdeep, then the party would not have been late to the Laughing Castle show, would have not had to murder all those dwarves, and wouldn’t be in the Underdark right now!

Tim cast the spell so he could now understand the dwarf and used his hands to communicate with him. The dwarf offered a series of 3 challenges and if they bested him at any of them, he would grant them access above the waterfall.

Challenge number 1: Jump Rope. See who could jump the rope the fastest. Challenge number 2: Tug-Of-War. The strongest one wins. And the 3rd and final challenge was: Lassoing a beast.

Annabelle stepped up right away to beat the man at the jump rope competition. The dwarf accepted but wondered where their rope was. “No rope, no competition”, the dwarf argued. He opened a wooden case with dark velvet lining to reveal his own personal rope but was adamant about not wanting to share.

The party was almost ready to murder this Underdarkian until Tim saved the day yet again by tearing up his acolyte’s robes +1 and tying them together to make the worst rope anyone has ever seen, ever. This rope was good enough for the dwarf and he allowed them to use it, but it wasn’t good enough for Annabelle who lost the jump rope competition with flying colors! The dwarf jumped around, being his own cheering committee, shaking his own hand and patting his own back!

Then Peldu the barbarian came up to bat and accepted the tug-of-war competition. This excited the dwarf and he giggled with glee. The dwarf tied his rope to theirs, and before Peldu could even give a good tug, the war was over as the acolyte’s rope broke! Again the dwarf howled for himself and pointed at both Peldu and Annabelle saying profanities at them, which Tim poorly translated to the party to mean, “He says you guys suck”.

Tim was not going to let this hermit get the best of him and he felt confident with the beast roping challenge as he had an ace up his sleeve called “animal handling!” The dwarf accepted his challenge, went back inside his hut and rushed back out with a tiny little horn, that he blew hard. However, it didn’t make a tiny little sound, it make a loud booming one! The ledge shook and out ran the fastest craziest looking carrion crawler they had ever seen! It ran up the walls, down the cliff sideways, back ways, and upside down!

First the dwarf took his turn and got his rope around the beast in 7 seconds. What a time! Then Tim used his animal handling to calm the beast to an almost stand still. With only 5 seconds on the clock, he threw the acolyte’s rope at the beast and… completely missed his mark, what a failure!

There was a roaring laughter from the gray dwarf as he continued to insult them and congratulate himself. Tim asked for a rematch – maybe play a game of Horseshoes? To which the dwarf responded, “No rope in Horseshoes”, disgustedly. Just as murdering the gray dwarf was back on the discussion table, he offered up another challenge he had in mind. Peldu stepped up again but was rejected by the dwarf for being “weak and pathetic”, as Tim translated. The dwarf pointed at Cavanaugh, the only member of the group that he had not yet bested. Though he would need some help from Peldu the barbarian.

The dwarf turned Peldu around and made him brace himself against a rock… but not before putting a small stick in his mouth. Then the dwarf started making whipping motions with his hand while repeating, “Most damage win!” Peldu and Cavanaugh both agreed to the bonus challenge, but at this time the acolyte’s rope was in shambles. The competitive dwarf agreed to let them use his special rope! First the dwarf took a strong stance, flexed all his muscles, and CRACK! Peldu bit down on that stick so hard it almost broke! “Good hit”, the dwarf agreed with himself. Then Cavanaugh took all the knowledge he learned from the sex cult, all the anger he had at Peldu for burning that expensive boat, and another CRACK!!!!! Peldu did break the stick this time along with his tooth. Cavanaugh had made a stronger deeper cut that was causing the barbarian to bleed much more. He was the victor!

The dwarf’s face turned to that of someone who had smelled the worst possible fart imaginable, and it stayed that way. He went back inside his dwelling and gave Cavanaugh one rolled up certificate, one winning crown (that looked like it fit a doll), a gold medal medallion, and he even gave up his magic rope called “stretch”. The gray dwarf pointed the magic rope at a ledge above the waterfall and it grew all the way to the ledge and tied itself to it. The party ascended gleefully, as the dwarf loser raged on the carrion crawler and cut its head clean off. Once at the top of the waterfall the party then asked, “Where should we rest?” not realizing that they just left a hut that was fully stocked with food and beds.

Fungus Amongus
isn't that a song?

The party left the warm embrace of the sex cult, only to find a tired disorientated Urth outside. He looked like Urth, smelled like Urth and even had Urth’s worldly possessions. But for some reason the party didn’t believe it was him and started giving him the 3rd degree (OOC maybe it was that the player of Urth didn’t make it to the session). After Annabelle the rogue asked Urth to recite a prayer of Umberlee the doppelganger attacked! He just wanted to hang out with “’dem guyz”, but NO, they had to use out-of-game knowledge to spoil the fun.

During the fight a portal opened up and Cavanaugh the bard-monk stepped out uttering the words, “I don’t want to talk about it”. Seeing that the party was attacking Urth and not knowing it was a doppelganger Cavanaugh jumped right in uttering “finally!” and proceeded to beat up on the guy. The doppelganger read Peldu’s mind and tried to reason with them explaining “I am really Urth, I know things like how it was really Peldu who burned down that boat”. In which Peldu replied “Psh, everyone knows that”. The bard-monk jumped on Urth repetitively punching him in the face and rode him for an un-impressive 8 seconds (which was NOT a world record). Finally he was restrained by Cavanaugh, and instead of asking him where the “real” Urth was or how he acquired his belongings, Annabelle killed the doppelganger who was just looking for friendship.

After looting Urth, they noticed a strange boomerang that was named “Bangerang”. Everyone was scared to touch the vibrating crescent. They poked at it a little, until finally Annabelle picked it up. She lined up the dead doppelganger against the wall for target practice, and threw Bangerang! It soared towards the cadaver before making a quick left turn and disappeared into the darkness. Moments later after hearing a “thud, mmmm” sound Bangerang returned to Annabelle’s hand. Everyone was quite impressed except Annabelle who was all “meh”. She gave Bangerang to Cavanaugh as he knew how to operate strange instruments.

Moments later a strange jellyfish creature approached them at slow speeds. The party stood still rife with terror from this 7 HP monster but did nothing proactive about it. Tim the apprentice started to think to himself about what to do. The creature, or “flump” started to telepathically communicate with Tim, the master of negotiation. As it turns out the flump has lost his “cloister” and was seeking a way to find them again. If the party accepted his escort quest, he would reward them with knowledge of safe passage to the surface world! They accepted his quest but Peldu was particularly weary of the beast.

There were two passages, left and right. The air circled in a vortex manor from right to left. The party didn’t get that it might be a circle and went back and forth, and forth and back, about which way to proceed. The doppelganger (while alive) seemed to want them to NOT go left, where as the flump came from the left, so surely there was nothing in that direction (though they didn’t ask it what was over there). Then they finally went left after flipping a coin (let the record show that Cavanaugh wanted to go right instead).

Three of the party members could see in the dark, which was great for night strolls in the Underdark. Annabelle was left sightless, so she cast Dancing Lights, which was both beautiful and entertaining to watch! Then she heard a horrific scream that would not stop. Apparently something up ahead in the fungal forest didn’t like Peldu’s face, or Tim’s fat face, or maybe Cavanaugh’s half smile he cut in his face, or it must be Annabelle (she does have a little bit of “bitch face”).

She turned off the dancing light and the sound turned off. They didn’t have any rope to guide Annabelle, so Peldu offered to hold the underage girl’s hand to “guide” her through the darkness. Then Cavanaugh also offered the same proposal to the jail-bait. Tim, being a follower and widely wanting to be excepted by his peers, made the same offer… while eating a doughnut.

She turned them all down and decided to walk alone, in the dark. Everyone avoided the fungal spores until it happened, which it was only a matter of time – Annabelle stepped on one! Dark, green, poison spores shot everywhere and they all hit the deck, except the bard-monk who got hit with the stuff right in the face. Cavanaugh felt as if maybe in 28-30 days he would die from the “Athlete’s Death” disease that he now had. Whoa, I ain’t going to take any showers after that guy, even with flip-flops!


I'm sorry, but we no longer support this web browser. Please upgrade your browser or install Chrome or Firefox to enjoy the full functionality of this site.